- You have a carton of 11 eggs you want full so you tear off the 12th slot. -Based on an off by 1 error.
- Your house is burning down, but you want to finish painting your garage, so you paint until 3/4 of your garage has burnt down too before you call the fire department. -Based on Sony's decisions for fixing/ignoring bugs and churning out new bugs/expansions instead.
- All your neighbors tell you your "grass" is too high and needs to be mowed, but you look and see that your trees are actually still very short.
- You wonder what this "object oriented" stuff is all about even after getting a Computer Science degree for Java from your college.
Almost that bad, honestly. -Sony's incompetent programming - You learned about the model T in history class 14 years ago, so you decide to fix your hybrid car yourself. -game design and fixing
- You wonder why people always say your "dog" has 4 legs, but you ignore them knowing perfectly well that your spouse only has 2 legs.
- You use Elmer's School Glue to fix the leak in your water heater. -bug fixing
- You pay the horticuter..., horticlist..., plant guy next door to repair your "green" air conditioner.
- You think throwing out that old cheese will get rid of the mold growing in your house. -bug fixing
- You think putting a sign in your Arizona desert store stating, "If you enter our store you must buy our $120 umbrella. No refunds," is fair and will be good for your business. -Lost Dungeons of Norrath expansion 1 click instant buy, no refunds
- You worry you might be engulfed in flames from your electric oven every time you go to check on your pizza. -EQ2 trade skills (baking)
- Your fellow programmers say you need more "class", so the next day you come to work in a tuxedo. -incompetent programming
- You promise hurricane victims food, but wait to distribute it until that month late shipment of locks comes so no one "steals" what they need. -"fixing" trade skill difficulty and skill up rate
- You stop work on the bridge your company has been building with just 3 meters left to go, and instead start work on another bridge. There is after all demand for more bridges now. -Sony never finishing *any* of their expansions on time or ever. (3 meters=about 9 feet)
- You wonder why GW didn't go farther, by offering millions of dollars to get people to vote more than once for him, for an impressive 400% voter turn out rate. -in game (almost) pop up begging users to commit voting fraud for EQ in the Sony owned and operated Walk of Game video game hall of fame
- You laugh hysterically every time you hear someone has fallen to their death from an elevator or stairs. -dangerous elevators, ramps, stairs, etc. with no regards for intelligent or safe design
- You "know" it is impossible for anyone to live from a fall higher than 1 building floor in height. -the lazily coded 20,000 falling damage beyond a certain height ("death" coding, officially a bug)
- You frequently claim, "It's a bug. No, it's a feature. I retract both my statements, it doesn't exist... No wait, it's working as intended!™", concerning the ominous smoke cloud over your computer. -claiming the bugs that exist aren't really bugs for months
- You start production on an order for 4,000 pink flamingos, but instead produce and ship 3,782 orange flamingos and 118 odd lumps of plastic. -failing to do even the most simple in game testing
- You hang a sign in your doctor office stating, "Your wait time will be 20 minutes.", when in fact the actual wait time is almost always double or triple that. -patch down time statements, they were almost always either double or +4 hours the stated time until the 5th or so year of EQ
- You give in to customers complaining that your airplane tickets are priced too high by dropping the ticket price by $50 and adding a $60 service fee immediately before people board your planes. -"fixing" healing spells by increasing the amount healed, while greatly decreasing the mana efficiency (as an effort to increase down time after finally making changes to reduce down time)
- You are amazed that a 7 foot tall man named Bubba speaks with a room shakingly low voice. -the poorly chosen high pitch (squeaky) voice for the huge race of trolls
- You think the 30 tests of new O-rings for the space shuttle failing at just room temperature are a fluke, so you ok the launch since 2 days delay is too much delay already. -Sony should have waited to release EQ until it was actually done. (Just 20 unanimous results tend to be more than enough.)
- You consider it your purpose in life to make all female dolls anatomically Overly correct. -excessively voluptuous and skimpy dream female game models
- You decide to rewrite each edition of your 1st book to be closer and closer to your sequel and to throw out the oldest content. -excessive revamping and making the world of EQ 1 closer to EQ 2 with each expansion
- You make big changes with your next car model, claiming it will run better and be more environmentally friendly. The results are a 5 minute start up time and 2 miles per gallon gas mileage. -the claim that the DirectX 9 change would increase performance, but actually greatly decreased performance, using 75-100MB more RAM at start up and surpassing 700MB of RAM use in extremely poorly made zones
- You routinely attempt to cut with knives by holding the blade in your hand and cutting with the handle. -anorexic, original style Vah Shir (cat people) models with poor copy and paste, resulting in weapons jutting upside down into their arms.
- As president of Fluffy Bread Incorporated, you decide to leave out the apparently useless yeast from your product in order to reduce production costs. -having no clue how their own product works, as seen in official public statements
Tip: highlight (click and drag) the areas after most of the jokes for general explanations. Try it here. -Good work! Like this.
--
Based on similar, mind boggling illogic and actions by Sony leadership, management, designers and programmers for their game EverQuest. (and to a small extent EverQuest 2)
All situations from real world incidents are greatly exaggerated and in no way imply that what is stated here is what actually happened.
EverQuest and EverQuest 2 are copyright Sony (though no one is sure why they want to protect them).
The "You might be a Sony programmer if..." concept is loosely based on Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Redneck" comedy.
All other content is copyright ProXimar 2005-2006 and may be copied and distributed for 0 profit entertainment or education, partially or fully.
No content may be used by Sony (or any entity having any relationship with Sony), by certain other entities, or for profit.
